Additional Sample Essay (Score = 5)
When these expectations rise, it will not be impossible for dropout rates to skyrocket. Some students who do not plan to attend college may find five years of high school too long to wait before joining the work force, and leave school early, along with those who normally would not finish even a four year high school. The extended pressure would also set the stage for talented and intelligent students to "burn out" and lose sight of their goals, resulting in sad ends for high school careers that were promising before the extension year "improvement" was adopted. There may even be parents who disagree strongly and will remove their children from school. All of these factors would affect school attendance rates in a derogatory manner, which in turn hurts funding, which in turn hurts every part of the system—especially the students.
Teaching, too, will suffer under this proposed extension. Already in this state there are teacher shortages in the public school system. In priveate schools, most teachers are working without a "free period" for six or seven classes. Yes, there are more and more teachers available each year, but they would not be enough to compensate for such an increased demand as a fifth year of high school would require. The calibur of teachers in the classrooms would inevitably decrease as schools scrape the bottom of the barrel in order to fill their quota. Undermining the quality of teaching hardly seems something that will better prepare students for high achievement, no matter how long they spend in the classroom.
I believe that extending high school to five years would not be a wise decision. Colleges will add more requirements to their already lengthy list of demands, high schoolers will be more apt to drop out, and teachers would be difficult to find, especially exemplary ones. Anyone of these factors should be enough to deter any high school from attempting this educational suicide, no matter how well-meaning the action would be.
Scoring Explanation
This essay demonstrates competent skill in responding to the writing task. The writer offers context for the discussion and takes a position in the opening paragraph (The expectations of colleges are relative to the length of one's high school experience. Extending high school to five years, as some educators propose doing in order to reduce the pressure experienced by college-bound students, will in fact increase the pressure put on high schoolers, because colleges will expect even more). The essay shows recognition of complexity by anticipating and responding to a counter-argument to the writer's position (Yes, there are more and more teachers available each year, but they would not be enough to compensate for such an increased demand as a fifth year of high school would require).
The essay elaborates ideas through specific reasons, examples, and details (Some students who do not plan to attend college may find five years of high school too long to wait before joining the work force, and leave school early, along with those who normally would not finish even a four year high school. . . . In priveate schools, most teachers are working without a "free period" for six or seven classes). Moreover, development is logical: each general claim is not only supported with examples but also with discussion that leads to a more specific and critical conclusion (When these expectations rise, it will not be impossible for dropout rates to skyrocket. . . . All of these factors would affect school attendance rates in a derogatory manner, which in turn hurts funding, which in turn hurts every part of the system—especially the students.)
Organization of the essay is clear, with transitions both within and between paragraphs that are at times integrated into the discussion (When these expectations rise. . . . The extended pressure would also set the stage for. . . . Anyone of these factors should be enough. . . .). The introduction and conclusion are clear and generally well developed, with the introduction developing the critical basis for the essay (The expectations of colleges are relative to the length of one's high school experience. . . . It is illogical to believe that college expectations will stay the same while high schools are granting their students a sort of extension).
Language is competent, with a variety of sentence constructions and word choice that is both varied and precise (relative, illogical, skyrocket, set the stage, inevitably). The few errors are occasionally distracting.
