Additional Sample Essay (Score = 4)
Many high schoolers don't have time for extracurricular activities or community service. Adding a year to high school would help high schoolers in finding an activity or sport that is right for them. This would help students a lot. High schoolers in extracurricular activities have been proven to do better in school, partly because of pass-to-play rules. Extracurricular activities also help high schoolers make friends, who encourage teens to come to school and help make school more fun. Friends also help teens feel better about themselves. If out-of-school activities can help high schoolers so much, we should let them have more opportunities to get involved in them.
Another reason for extending the high school education is for people that can't afford to go to college right out of high school. Further education would help these people to get a leg up on competition when they apply for a job. A better job means better pay, so college may not just be a dream for these people. Also, another year would allow high achievers to do even better, seperating them from others. This would make it easier for colleges when it comes to selecting students for admission. It allows hard workers to appeal to colleges even if they are not rich.
Overall, a fifth year of high school would give us a better educated society. Employers would be less likely to hire someone with only four years of high school than someone with five years, thus increasing competition and driving students to stand out from the crowd. High schoolers that are serious about their future will have the opportunity to show this to colleges and employers. Extending high school is the right thing to do.
Scoring Explanation
This essay offers an adequate response to the writing task. The writer offers a thin context for the discussion (There is often debate about education), takes a position on the issue (I think that extending high school to five years would have a positive effect on our nation. . . . The extra year would certainly help high school students to achieve all that is expected of them), and shows recognition of complexity by acknowledging a counter-argument (Despite those who oppose the proposition. . . .)
While the essay does not provide any response to a counter-argument, the development of ideas in support of the writer's position is adequate. The essay has two general ideas that are developed with some specific reasons and details (Adding a year to high school would help high schoolers in finding an activity or sport that is right for them. This would help students a lot. . . . Another reason for extending the high school education is for people that can't afford to go to college right out of high school). The writer gives three examples to support the first idea, that activities help students, and then supports the second idea, that extending school would help people who can't afford to pay for college right out of high school, by explaining that an additional school year would benefit two kinds of students (those who must take jobs after high school and those high achievers who may try for college scholarships).
Organization is clear, with a somewhat developed introduction and conclusion and with obvious transitions throughout the essay, both within and between paragraphs. Some logical sequencing of ideas is evident in the progression of the essay, as the writer first discusses how the extra year would help students during high school and next discusses how the addition of a fifth year will benefit students after high school. Additional sequencing of ideas is discernable within the third paragraph as the writer explains how high achievers would benefit from more time in school (Also, another year would allow high achievers to do even better, seperating them from others. This would make it easier for colleges when it comes to selecting students for admission. It allows hard workers to appeal to colleges even if they are not rich).
Language use shows some sentence variety and appropriate word choice (proposition, encourage, opportunities, competition). Some errors distract but do not impede understanding.
