Level 3 Business Writing

Sample Item

Prompt:

At your office, employees are allowed to skip their morning and/or afternoon breaks to take longer lunch breaks. However, the personnel manager says that employees have been taking too much time on their lunch breaks as a result of this policy. She wants to require all employees to take their morning and afternoon breaks and the standard lunch break. Write a letter to the personnel manager explaining whether or not you are in favor of this proposal and why.

Level 3 Sample Response

I would have to agree with you on the break. The employees should take breaks and 1 lunch break at the normal time. They shouldn't be allowed to combine their breaks. They need to go by the rules like almost every other office buildings. There should be a law about this situation. It shouldn't be allowed. The employees need to learn how to flex their time during their lunch hour and breaks.

The management should start a good law about it. It shouldn't be allowed. The employees will just try to confuse the managers mind to let them have a longer lunch. They need to have 2 small breaks and 1 lunch hour. I think it is really, totally fair. They just need to learn how to manage their time so they can do all they need to.

Your proposal as the manager is what the building needs to make all office buildings fair and equal. All breaks should be taken and only a ½ hour lunch should be taken per work day. The manager is only trying to be fair to the workers. It is totally fair in my opinion. The workers need to follow the guidelines of experenced managers. Managers have more knowledge than employees. Managers are higher up and should have more say so than the employees. But if the employees disobey more than a couple times they should be taken off the job and fired. Not trying to be hersh but that is just my opinion in this situation. Give them a warning or two and maybe they will learn.

Please follow the new proposal its fair to the company. Its a good thing to do, because if they have longer lunches they may be doing something illegal or is just bad for other people. This is an excellent proposal from the manager to have more opinions. I say go with what the manager says.

Why this is a Level 3 response:

Sentence structures are usually correct (despite a run-on sentence), and some variety and complexity are attempted, but many of the sentences are overly simple and vague. (Please follow the new proposal its fair to the company… It shouldn't be allowed… It is totally fair in my opinion.)
There are some errors in grammar and mechanics, but they do not interfere with communication. Spelling is generally correct. Errors include misspellings of experenced and hersh, a missing word in or is just bad, and missing apostrophes in managers mind and its a good thing.
Word choice is generally clear and correct but is repetitive: There should be a law about this (1st paragraph). The management should start a good law about it (2nd paragraph).
The tone and style are casual but acceptable for standard business English (I think it is really, totally fair.)
The writing is generally organized, and simple transitions are used (but and not).
Ideas are adequately developed but are limited in depth and thoroughness. The idea that the policy is fair and that the manager's decision should be upheld is developed adequately, but there is little depth to the development. Supporting examples and details are relevant, but they are general and repetitive. The fairness issue is mentioned several times.

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